you are gay. i am sad. =(

tatlong patak ng likido
na bago pa man makawala sa pagang balon
ay nagawa ng takpan ng malabangkay na mga palad.

nais kong maniwala na dala lamang ito ng madaming bagay-bagay. marahil nga. marahil ay sa ganitong paraan ko lamang maibabalik ang kapanatagan ng aking damdamin na sa mga oras na ito ay hindi ko na alam kung kaya ko pang pigilin ang pagwawala.

ngunit kailanman ay di matatanggap ng aking hangal na prinsipyo hanggang sa pinakahuling selyo na nagpapagana sa aking kaisipan na ikaw. na ikaw ang lahat ng ito. mula simula pa man hanggang sa mga oras na ito kung saan pinaglalabanan ng aking mga kamay ang bigat sa paglalagay ng pinakahuling tuldok, tuldok na ikaw din naman ang may kadahilanan. gayunpaman, nais kong malaman mo na dumating ako sa lahat ng possibleng tagpuan. hinanap kita. naghintay ako. ngunit ikaw, ikaw ang walang bakas na iniiwan. kaya't marahil ay ngayon na nga. hindi ko na magagawang hintayin pa ang makalawa, o ang paglitaw pa ng madaming buwan. ang tanging alam ko lamang, sa ating dalawa, ikaw. ikaw ang unang bumitaw. (ang damdamin ni Christian para kay Amiel)

gay - adj \ˈgā\ : masaya, maligaya

sad - adj \ˈsad\: malungkot, malumbay, mapanglaw

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maybe the lines said so.

these hands.
they can write a thousand words of infidelity
and pain in the cleanest of ashen paper
they can blot every wall with fury
and beyond the pale abhorrence
because these hands
they are mine.

and these very same hands
they can score through each letter in a jiffy
and daub blissful colors in neon hue
yes, they can forget, exonerate the worst.

yet the palms can constantly wound without one remnant
and let you bleed until you lay down your arms on me
but they won’t.

for these hands
they are no longer mine
they are yours already.

take them.
say yes.

*written months months ago in a scratch paper and mongol pencil. hear me, hear me when i'm not talking.

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PYGMALION'S LOVE AFFAIR

it came by surprise
like a blown fuse
that suddenly fired everything around
our silhouettes,
masked ourselves behind darkness
it made rooms for us at dawn
amidst the querulous verity of each breath
i was chained in lacquered intimacy
but you were cold.
you were hard.
you were made of stones.
you exhibit no motion
and only my fingertips felt the passion
marks on your back
evidence of insanity


sometimes, i run.
only to realize that the ocean awaits
to catch my tears -
and it pains.

freefall's note: inspired by pgymalion and galathea love story. oh, pygmalion, how you turned me into a lovesick fool, i don't really know. haha.

He was the every reason of this poem. ngunit ang lahat ay nagbago isang araw matapos itong malimbag. Ikaw. Ikaw na ang lahat.

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