Even Shrek knows how to cry. (he did cry in the movie , right?)

>> 14.2.08

Dear Mother,

Hi, Mom! I am certain you do not expect a letter from a stranger... much from a beast like creature, a man with a distorted facial feature -ONLY a mother can love, uh! i'm getting blank again!

I always thought of living a normal life, i mean a happy one. How i pray i could be an ordinary individual! But i am an E.O., mind you mom - this is how i call myself for several years.

I was a clumsy toddler when you abandoned me inside a telephone booth, still remember? A man picked me up and to my misfortune; i grew up with four querulous sisters and three bulky brothers, who considered me the jinx in their house. So i played the role of a male Cinderella. Eer... mom, a beast like Cinderella, like Imang!

Oftentimes, while I was growing up, I would wonder why i do have coarse and bristled-long hair, a terrible big mouth and an extremely scaly derma. No, i do not get a hump on my back. What i got is a pair of wide feet, very thin legs and an expanded chest. Now, mom, you've got a vague imagination of my horrible figure.

Some years ago, I was 11, and still in grade 2, as i was playing with my shadows at mid noon, some bully boys headed into my bench. They pulled me and tied me mercilessly. I could not scream for my mouth was spattered with muddy grasses and virulent stuff. I could only took a glimpse of them guffawing at me. There i noticed a familiar bespectacled figure who shoo the bad boys away. I was expecting her to hug me but all i got was a cold glance.

Mom, i was always persecuted. Betrayed. Repudiated. I was wrecked by people.

Then, one murky evening. I flailed the stodgy strait looking for a familiar bespectacled figure i often saw in my dreams which i know was you. Perhaps, i was just on the edge of venting my anger. Undoubtedly, it was all a vain search. And when i headed home, three livid creatures beat me.

Mom, i often slept with bruises.

Know what? I had a crush when i was twelve. She was the pony-tailed girl next to my seat. i always gave her "white rabbit" candies but she just shamelessly threw it away. She's terrified at the sight of me, even my teachers do. And most of all, everyone ignored me.

Every night , i prayed to God to let me see you. I wanted to know how it feels to be wrapped around your arms. For even in my most vivid dreams of you, i could not imagine being cuddled. I know, you're the only one who can give me acceptance. God knows, i've never been embraced. i do not know how it feels. I've been longing for you.

Luck enough, though. I was able to work my way to college. There i met a very lovely lady, my instructress in Physiology. She pretended to be a woman of wisdom and grace. A portrait of a woman everybody would admire, she reminds me so much of you , mom. I studied hard. I kept on stalking her for many semesters. Until one night,i saw her hopped into a man's car. I was lost. Out of my furious mind, i ran fast into her and grabbed her arms. "Beast, get out!" , she screamed.

Mom, i went home bloody.

February 14, 1996. My search was over. you aged a little bit. A wrinkled scar now appeared on your forehead. You were a long a group of children. I smiled as you unselfishly give your affection to them. Your face wrinkled more as i get closer. Is my face familiar? i thought you gonna hug me.

I could recall how my presence petrified you. "I do not have a son, please, get out! i didn't bear a child like you! Get out man. You are terrifying my students. " GOd! How could you do that to me? i just wanted to be hugged, to be loved. On my knees, i begged. The tears flowed down my chest. The excruciating pain buried deep into my nerves. I was a little bit - dead.

That night, i dragged myself to my college instructress' house. The bouquet of pink roses i bought for you must be for her. Suddenly, she threw the roses on my face. I begged for her compassion. "Lady, just hold me. Just hug me a little. Please?" She screamed.

And that valentine's day, 11 PM, i raped her. I thought that would make her love me. Instead, she asked me to kill her. But i didn't mom... God knows how i grieve myself for doing that. She killed her self. Mom, i did not kill your daughter. i didn't know she was my sister. .. my only real sister. I could not forgive myself for that.

I have gone so far, mother. I rambled around, seeking for LOVE. i do not know what it is. How it feels. Now, you know why i'm not ordinary. I am an EO. Extra-ordinary. now, you are aware of my abominable misfortunes. Please, do not hate me. I am teary eyed now, Mom. I hope this would be my last cry behind the coldness of these iron bars.

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you'll be fine.

I'm thinking of you,


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