the night i met MJ

>> 10.1.10

"... the cruelty scarred along my nakedness... the reflection of theruthlessly night devilled the weakening me...oh, please... i hate the memory... i would despise the souvenir... that night... that night... oh, father...please.."

It was a dark, moonless night as i see myself walking into a nowhere path until i stumble to a certain place homing crimes and sentiments, an exceptional strange place, i have never been before where shouts and frights are all that my ears could hardly absorbed - the place where i met MJ.

mj is an 18 year old  gorgeous and smart looking gal with such an angelic face - crying. i obscurely do not know how the hell i knew that her name is MJ and that she is 18... but i just know. My mind tells me, or maybe we've met before, she looks deadly familiar.

i tried to offer my comfort but she pushed me away. Her eyes were filled with sorrows and anger. I was aback, and yes, afraid. Her eyes were tearful yet the salty water couldn't hide the grieving.

"Come on, you can count on me, you can trust me, tell me what bothers you." I insisted of helping her but i did not know if i came up with the wrong words for her look became even more fear provoking.

"How come you do not know the answer?" Her voice was bitter as she burst into tears. I looked around to make sure who she was addressing those words to, but there was no one around except for the two of us. I was so astounded and puzzled and i had never been so puzzled in my whole damn life. I couldn't explain but there is something in her that made me reflect so much of myself.... and its in her eyes. Holy God, it made my heart melt.

I was trying to recall but i couldn't remember a thing. I was looking at her, i wanted so much to stop her pain,  if only i could do something but... "Evil!" she was again addressing to me but i could not understand. i wanted to speak but my tongue served numb. A double triple damn to myself. The answer was right on my face yet i couldn't figure it out. I cannot understand. I couldn't explain a thing. 

"I need my life..." She was horribly shaking but damn, i even wonder if she's out of her mind. Should i call a doctor or should i assume it was i hallucinating and was speaking with a phantom in a sort of uncounsious ventriloquism.  "This is only an unusual intense nightmare. maybe, a panic attack. But NO, it could never be real, but as i opened my eyes, she's still there.... a stubborn illusion.

"I need my life", her voice startled me but i could not speak. The whole scenario was choking me. She's still speaking in wonder and fascination but nonetheless menacing for its hushed voice.

"... and, if i avenged... will i regain my life? I need it. I badly need it. i need my life!"

Until she was out of words and her eyes were fiercer than ever as blood flows everywhere. I do not know where it's coming from. It stained me.

"No... no.. no..."

 Her voice bemused me but its effect was nothing compared to the paralytic shock that siezed me when i saw her bloodful, fleshy figure. I was stunned. I fainted.

I opened my eyes. It was too heavy. I felt so weak and i heard a familiar voice speaking to me - "i told you not to, why did you listen to him." I saw my bestfriend Carla weeping beside my bed - i'm in a total shock. Everything was all done as the pangs of guilt eats my very soul.

and before my bestfriend could stop me, i jumped from the 13th floor of St. Augustine Hospital. and with my imaginary wings pushing me downward, i saw him, father. I saw MJ... crying... smiling... i do not know.

freefall's note: the first short story i wrote for ADVO [2004]
salamat kay DK.


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