LOST DOVE

where's the mourning dove call?
it flies home and the door to touch is gone.
'twas left staring at the jeweled blue tail of  the night's comet
with the promise that daybreaks will always bring silence
in facing the longing beneath the rose petals in soft pink and quilted green
thus, create rhythm to the soul.

but weeks after weeks
night will come back again; and
again, the mourning dove will dwell in the morning
ferreting through the glistening fogs
teasing its nose from the petals
furrowing in the words to come back in the palm; and
listening over each heartbeat of the hands that hold thy
for it will be resting there -
forever
waiting.

freefall's note: people are so amazing. sometimes, they never really learn.

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DESPITE THE BLUEMOON'S DOLDRUMS

you made me shiver in the cold -

veins unraveling in commotion

my heart grew faster in beating

and, you made my eyes

tired of waiting for nothing

i was lost.

you showed miniscule of affection

but overflowing eviction.

blinded,

by the endearing shelter of fame

and fancies of my dreams

crushed, i am now.

yet still

i could not forego; and

leave chain behind chain

i am tired but afraid -

to be wielded in the abyss again.

i could somehow

let go of you - forget.

but i am holding on.

freefall's note: wrote this one sometime in 2006, and was published in THE WESTERNIAN ADVOCATE'S EKWILIBRIYO 2ND EDITION. people thought this was some kind of my lovesick poems. but, it's not. this tells about everything i have inside. 

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CURSE

it is all there
broken and ripped off.

scattered thoughts
behind the darkened soul.
memory bank opens, and i
hysterically pick up
the pieces from nowhere.

with fake laughter
that longs for space and
a big gulp of that longed tequila
add a puff of lights
that drown into cold embraces,
surviving still.

then, silence for the soul
sigh, a deep deep sigh,
deeper.
soon, a drop of tear falls
and it clouds the vision
finally, pain has lessened.

and now, i
kneel right before your coldness.

freefall's note: what could be worse that waking up everymorning without knowing what real love is. Not because you are born with innate vileness but because no one was ever there to atleast make you feel its marvelous magic.such a saddening curse!

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WHITE SATIN

i can still remember

the first time it feels pain - bizarre.

it bleeds like a broken sonata

that cries over a pale moonlight

with doubt, it stains the sheet

that uncovers the nudity that lies before

my stolen limpidness.

furtively smiling as it tears

like flood

deeply longing- starvation of flesh

as the four corners of this holy place

become the only mute witness

of my betrayal to HIM.

monthly, it bleeds over the ache

though nothing is positive

and i know - i am still in safe stage.

you, come on.

take this off.

i am giving you the last chance

to enter my holy life and crash my wounded soul

once more

tomorrow, i shall speak to HIM

and ask for mercy

i am going to have

my final vow.

freefall's note: i just wonder, are they all as pure as the angels in heaven?

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the night i met MJ

"... the cruelty scarred along my nakedness... the reflection of theruthlessly night devilled the weakening me...oh, please... i hate the memory... i would despise the souvenir... that night... that night... oh, father...please.."

It was a dark, moonless night as i see myself walking into a nowhere path until i stumble to a certain place homing crimes and sentiments, an exceptional strange place, i have never been before where shouts and frights are all that my ears could hardly absorbed - the place where i met MJ.

mj is an 18 year old  gorgeous and smart looking gal with such an angelic face - crying. i obscurely do not know how the hell i knew that her name is MJ and that she is 18... but i just know. My mind tells me, or maybe we've met before, she looks deadly familiar.

i tried to offer my comfort but she pushed me away. Her eyes were filled with sorrows and anger. I was aback, and yes, afraid. Her eyes were tearful yet the salty water couldn't hide the grieving.

"Come on, you can count on me, you can trust me, tell me what bothers you." I insisted of helping her but i did not know if i came up with the wrong words for her look became even more fear provoking.

"How come you do not know the answer?" Her voice was bitter as she burst into tears. I looked around to make sure who she was addressing those words to, but there was no one around except for the two of us. I was so astounded and puzzled and i had never been so puzzled in my whole damn life. I couldn't explain but there is something in her that made me reflect so much of myself.... and its in her eyes. Holy God, it made my heart melt.

I was trying to recall but i couldn't remember a thing. I was looking at her, i wanted so much to stop her pain,  if only i could do something but... "Evil!" she was again addressing to me but i could not understand. i wanted to speak but my tongue served numb. A double triple damn to myself. The answer was right on my face yet i couldn't figure it out. I cannot understand. I couldn't explain a thing. 

"I need my life..." She was horribly shaking but damn, i even wonder if she's out of her mind. Should i call a doctor or should i assume it was i hallucinating and was speaking with a phantom in a sort of uncounsious ventriloquism.  "This is only an unusual intense nightmare. maybe, a panic attack. But NO, it could never be real, but as i opened my eyes, she's still there.... a stubborn illusion.

"I need my life", her voice startled me but i could not speak. The whole scenario was choking me. She's still speaking in wonder and fascination but nonetheless menacing for its hushed voice.

"... and, if i avenged... will i regain my life? I need it. I badly need it. i need my life!"

Until she was out of words and her eyes were fiercer than ever as blood flows everywhere. I do not know where it's coming from. It stained me.

"No... no.. no..."

 Her voice bemused me but its effect was nothing compared to the paralytic shock that siezed me when i saw her bloodful, fleshy figure. I was stunned. I fainted.

I opened my eyes. It was too heavy. I felt so weak and i heard a familiar voice speaking to me - "i told you not to, why did you listen to him." I saw my bestfriend Carla weeping beside my bed - i'm in a total shock. Everything was all done as the pangs of guilt eats my very soul.

and before my bestfriend could stop me, i jumped from the 13th floor of St. Augustine Hospital. and with my imaginary wings pushing me downward, i saw him, father. I saw MJ... crying... smiling... i do not know.

freefall's note: the first short story i wrote for ADVO [2004]
salamat kay DK.

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PYGMALION'S LOVE AFFAIR

it came by surprise
like a blown fuse
that suddenly fired everything around
our silhouettes,
masked ourselves behind darkness
it made rooms for us at dawn
amidst the querulous verity of each breath
i was chained in lacquered intimacy
but you were cold.
you were hard.
you were made of stones.
you exhibit no motion
and only my fingertips felt the passion
marks on your back
evidence of insanity


sometimes, i run.
only to realize that the ocean awaits
to catch my tears -
and it pains.

freefall's note: inspired by pgymalion and galathea love story. oh, pygmalion, how you turned me into a lovesick fool, i don't really know. haha.

He was the every reason of this poem. ngunit ang lahat ay nagbago isang araw matapos itong malimbag. Ikaw. Ikaw na ang lahat.

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